Thursday 26th March
I feel as though I am settling into this new way of life. I’ve made my peace with it’s shortcomings and am now taking advantage of all this time I now have. It all feels very parisian, this way of living, which has always been one of my fantasies. To live like Oscar Wilde once did in gay Paree.
Each day so far I’ve woken to a sun soaked bedroom, read books, eaten fruit, drank wine and smoked cigarettes (anyone else taken up smoking again since the start of The Event? Oopsie)
It’s a lovely way to live, but not a lifestyle I think I could permanently adopt. I miss the bustle of the city, beers in the pub, being able to see my friends without breaking the law, undesirables berating you on the street for no sane reason (alright maybe not that part so much).
Like most things, there are bits I would like to still have from the ‘old way’ of living, but also some I would like to leave behind - like the monotony of city living. The nauseating stench of capitalism in the air as you walk to work - for me this was something much more prevalent when I was an office worker, and something I thought about often; why am I sacrificing my mental health to make as much money for The Man as possible?
But really, that’s something we all think about pretty much 24/7. Money! And more specifically, we all seem to live under this false belief that the more money we make the happier we will be. Because that’s what has been forced down our throats since the day we were born.
Buy this amazing *thing* and you will never need to buy anything else again! Except for this thing! And now this thing! It’s cheaply made, a total waste of space and costs more than you make in a week, but trust me - YOU NEED IT!
Don’t get me wrong, I see how this looks hypocritical of me. I am a shop owner for fucks sake. My income depends solely on people giving me their money so that they can have this *thing*, of which it’s my job to convince you that you need it, just like the capitalist oligarchs that I despise so much.
But I guess the difference between us and them is that I have ethics and (a LOT of, probs too many) human emotions. I empathise with people. I care how people feel. I only sell things that I would buy, for a price that I would pay, and never ever let greed control me. Because why do I need to? Sure, not having enough money for things I think I want sucks, big time, but there are other things in life that suck much harder.
Having no-one to call your friend, no-one that loves you and knows you intimately. Having no love for yourself. Having a job that makes you dread waking up in the morning.
These are all things that I don’t have anymore, and I wouldn’t trade that for all the money in the world.
I get that these uncertain times are terrifying. Not knowing if you can afford to buy food for yourself, let alone pay rent is incredibly stress inducing, and, trust me, I’ve been there. But we are all in this together, and this is looking like a once in a lifetime opportunity to realign your priorities.
What is it you miss the most right now, is it your family or your friends? Or is it waking up every morning to go to work in a stuffy office with people you wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire?
My (unsolicited, yes) advice is to just relax into this new, slower way of life. Practise mindfulness in everything you do. For some this is going to be a shock to the system, but you’ll get used to it.
There’s one thing that my nan always used to say to me which I remember each time I hear someone say the word,
‘Only boring people get bored’.